Breaking format--
How to become a regular
Before delving into the “how,” it is important to establish
the “why.” Why would you want to become a regular somewhere? Your answer may be
solely on the “free stuff” and perks spectrum. That can be a benefit that comes
from this sort of relationship with an establishment. That’s certainly a
choice. I personally approach it from the more romantic notion found in the TV
theme song; “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.” You
want to have a little taste of home away from home. Who doesn’t want a friendly
face that might be legitimately happy to see you? In my book, that friendly
camaraderie is worth more than the possibility of a top shelf drink when you
paid for well or a basket of onion rings on the house.
Now, how does one get to that point where bartenders,
waiters, staff, and managers distinguish you from the myriad faces they see
every day and every week? It’s not an overnight deal; it’s a process. Like any
relationship, it takes work.
There are three basic steps you can take to establish
yourself and hopefully be anointed with the title of “Regular.”
Half of life is just
showing up. -Hunter S. Thompson
1. Be there.
Seems like a no-brainer, right? You have to go to these
establishments. You have to go to these
establishments a lot. The busier the place,
the more you have to go. I have been going to the same Fantastic Sam’s (don’t
judge) to get my hair cut for ten years. My woman remembers me and I only see
her for twenty minutes once a month. This middle-aged Armenian woman has been
in my life longer than my wife has. She’s seen the hairline recede like a
glacier and has offered no comment…unlike my wife. She probably has roughly
fifteen or so clients a day and over the course of a month, that’s hundreds of
dudes’ hair; yet, she remembers me. It took a long time to get to that point,
but when she gives me that half-scowl and silent nod of acknowledgement when I
walk in, I know she knows me—really
knows me. I like to think that she takes a little extra care with my hair,
making my $14 haircut look like it cost nearly $20.
For some perspective, compare the face time with a stylist with
that of a bartender at a popular bar. That bartender sees hundreds of people a
night for only the amount of time it takes to shout out a drink order and for
them to toss back that drink and some change. That’s an extreme deficit of face
time. You are nothing but a blur. That bartender is not going to remember you
if you only go in once a month or probably even once a week. You have to make
yourself a fixture.
It’s not what we do
once in awhile that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently. -Tony
Robbins
2. Be consistent.
Consistency is key—two keys actually. First, consistency of
time in your patronage; you can’t just go to the same place over and over again
all willy nilly. Most places have staff running on different schedules. By
taking a scattershot approach to your attendance, you diminish your possible
returns. It doesn’t matter if you went to that coffee bar four times in one
week if it wasn’t the same staff seeing your caffeine starved face each time.
You might as well have gone only once and saved some dough or spread that
effort over four different establishments—there’s nothing wrong with casting a
wide net. Walk into that bar every
Friday at 10pm. Sit down at the counter at the diner at 8:45am every Sunday. Be
there for the dinner special Taco Tuesday every…Tuesday. Once you’ve gotten a
toe-hold, then you can start to vary your schedule. That busboy smiling and uttering
a quick “Good-to-see-you” in front of that waiter you’ve never seen before is
as good as a marker from Sky Masterson.
Second, consistency
in what you ask for is important. You want to build up to being able to say
“the usual,” because if you can do that you have arrived. This can sound really
boring, being locked into the same thing over and over. You will make it
through this first-world problem, I promise. Slight variants are okay, even
encouraged, as long as you aren’t asking the establishment to break policy. A
slight variant or a bit of flourish makes your request more memorable and that
feeds the goal. Your face, at that time, ordering that same thing, might just
start to stick. You, yes, you can be that lunch guy that asks for horseradish
on your burger every Wednesday.
And three, be nice. -Dalton,
the greatest bouncer in the world.
3. Be nice.
It’s the simplest idea in the world and sometimes it is the
hardest to realize: be nice. When you walk into an establishment, be on your
very best behavior. ‘Get more flies with honey,’ you know that whole deal that moms
and the PSAs at the end of 80’s cartoon have said since time immemorial. Personally,
I find most people to be awful. It is
hard to be pleasant to awful people. Now, imagine dealing with people if you
are in the service industry. It’s a potential parade of awfulness all the live-long
day. Don’t be part of that sad parade. Smile, engage in pleasantries, and try
to remember names--but don’t be a creeper about it—you’re still a just customer,
not their buddy. Let me stress—don’t be
a creeper.
If you have a complaint, present it not as the end of the
situation but as the beginning of the steps to fix it. Remember that “please”
is a very powerful word. If a place has a strict “no substitutions” policy,
it’s a far better idea to NOT ask for a substitution, but if you really want to,
go ahead and ask (remember the power of “please”) and if they say no, don’t
push. Forget the idea that you as the
customer are always right. No one actually believes this. An establishment
might placate you because it’s “good business,” but being difficult is
definitely not a way to win friends. I’m not saying eat dirt or put up with
poor treatment--because why would you want to be a regular at such a place? I’m saying you, the individual, are responsible
for being a gracious guest. And a good clue that you might have made it into
the ‘regular’ category; they actually will do your substitution.
Also, it should go without saying: don’t forget to tip.
